i don't know what i'm fed up about.

if only someone would care to listen to me. but i hate being all emo, whimpy and whiny. i think that's all just weak. there's bigger things in life to be emo about. however it seems like guys like that kinda girls right? the soft-hearted kind who whines and keeps saying that they're broken and hurt blah blah blah. guys feel like they need to protect them and give them the security they need ain't it? awww the lucky girls. (so poor thing narhx)

i don't wanna be one of them. &whether i am one of those girls on the inside or not, it doesn't matter and no one needs to know.

i wish you could stop bringing her up in front of me, 'cause it messes me up even more and i ain't over it. and i admit it. for now, i'll leave it to time cause i can't do it by myself.

_|_ , my brain gets fckdup once in a while and it's not like i can help it.

edit//
my table is waiting for me to clear it up. there's a pile of papers sprayed across, with stacks of files and books at the side, then there's the ever messy little stuff that i display all around my table. also counting the presents and even doodles that remind me 'oh i wrote this at that (specific) time' and i clearly remember how it felt then. there's too much stuff lying around. and all the little things that bring back memories, i just dump them on the table at a corner cause i didn't know what to do with them.

i'm afraid to clear up the mess. i'm afraid to flip and come across the stuffs that remind me of the past. who knew when did i become such a coward? i'd rather leave it there untouch but acknowledge it's presence. the thing that i'm more worried about is, that i don't know what to do with the old stuff. i don't want to throw them away. but how to you tidy things up without throwing things away? i just refuse to pack those memories. &i don't know why either.

but it's not like anyone knows what sense i'm trying to make of myself here. so there.

{ C }
the kind of girl who mopes around about stuff ALOT
& somedays on mute mode

A LEFT-HANDER WHO FEEDS ON JROCK :D

Is a caffeine addict, & doesn't mind giving up talking for good. With not much self-confidence to start with, her ugly teeth upset her a lot but she plans to do nothing about it. Cheap thrills include rainy days, graphic designing, writing & a little dosage of her jrock darlings. Can conjure up some really good shit in her mind sometimes, but has problems putting them onto paper and into reality. Overall an average kid who's neither here nor there in everything she does, & gets bothered by it sometimes. Has trouble finding her direction in life. Mostly negative and wishes to be more apathetic. Currently finding a way to start a new life in Japan, with a different name.

Still likes to talk to inanimate things like her stuffed penguin.

♥REITA,
just because.

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